my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
My dick has a subreddit
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
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