Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize