New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
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It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
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So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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