Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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