Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize