Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
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You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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