Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize