Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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