i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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