sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I cannot find my penis.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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