i permit you to call me
It's Friday. Sex?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
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Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
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Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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