how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
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Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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