nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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