so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
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Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize