I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
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