dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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