I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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