this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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