Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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