oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize