Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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