FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize