So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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