i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
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WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
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Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize