So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize