Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
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