hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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