How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
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morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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