too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
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He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
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Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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