half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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