You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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