wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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