That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize