everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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