Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
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I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
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At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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