If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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