I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
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just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
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Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
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