I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
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She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
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Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize