thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'm so fucking centered right now
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize