You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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