Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
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i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
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Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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