God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize