We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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