if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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