I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Oh god it's open bar.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize