Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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