i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
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Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
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I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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