I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
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and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
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Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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