I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
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Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
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You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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