Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Holy shit dude........stairs
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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